I always give in my all in every single relationship.
I trusted every of them wholeheartedly.
Yes, some may have ended nicely.
But some ..
Yet I've never learnt my lessons.

You used to tell me you're too honest in every of your relationships till at the end of the day, you are the one who gets cheated. ALWAYS.
If its really true .. Then why do I have to be the unlucky one, to be the first to get cheated by you? What have I done to deserve this?, this irritating shadow following me, reminding about everything now and then. You want things between us to be as normal, you don't want me to irritate you about all my thoughts. Do you really think that things could be back to normal? Do you really think that I could forget about the whole god damn thing? I just kept it to myself. Tears falling every night, do you know? You don't. Then you are going to say, 'Why don't you tell me? How would I know if you don't tell me.'. It's a cycle. If I tell you, you're going to tell me that you're feeling really uncomfortable about it.
Everything is still fresh in my mind. It seems like it just happened yesterday. The hurt I'm feeling.. Its excruciating. I want to hold on to us. But quarrels everyday, its affecting my confidence about the both of us.
Do you really love me? Please don't play me out. The fear is building, its never ending.

Went Pasir Ris with family about a week back? Brought the kids (Love and cousins) to KidsExplorer. Signed up membership for Love at $5.50. Could last till she turns 12. 1st hour cost $11. If without membership, it costs effing average $20 for pathetic one hour.

Nothing much actually, except the tunnel playground and the two enclosed areas full with plastic balls. Others have additional cost.

The one we were at in the photo above is actually for 3 and above. & for KIDS. So basically I wasn't allowed to be in there laaa. Love also. But its much more nicer with the lights than the plain coloured balls. Hehehe.

Oh oh! There's this holiday package for members. $15 for unlimited time but there's no re-entry for the kids and .. 2 free tickets for the mini ferris wheel in the building which actually cost $6.50 each I think. (: So MOMMIES OUT THERE, bring your kids there this holiday! ^^

Just a small update on what Love has learnt, has been doing..

She tells us water when she wants after her milk.

She knows how to tell us put here and put there. Especially food, she would tap the table in front of her and say. -.-!!

Whenever we came back from outside, when we help to take out her shoes, she would squeeze her nose and say chou chou. Zzzzzz.

She's just getting more and more mischievous lah. Lol..

Had a hard time trying to find a photo with the all of us! LADIES! When are we meeting up!? Okay lah, partly my fault also cos I have Love to take care of and I always say I can't make it. =X But I REALLLYYYY MISS THE ALL OF YOU! LOVES! ^^

I was cooking noodles in the afternoon yesterday, dad was eating in the living room, looking after lovelle also.
Then I heard laughter from my dad.
Went out to see what's going on, and the photo explains everything.
Mischievous lovelle crawled under the sofa, wanting to take her shoe, then she got stuck, shouting out for help. -.-
New weird stunts by her every other day. I guess I have to agree with people's comments that she's really active and naughty, not like other kids. ><

Got woken up by deardear's calls this noon. He had a 2hour lunch break, so! Travelled in such a hot weather, came down to my place and bought lunch for me. :)
Thanks for making the effort deardear! Love you!

Random, bro's coming back this saturday. Wonders if he would buy anything back. Suppose he would get chocolates for cousins, I think. Haha!

Deardear had sudden cravings for tang yuan, went to chinatown the other night, searched for it while drizzling. Till we gave up.
Went sheng siong the next day, bought the one with peanut filling, cooked it right before he made his way down. Told him I prepared something for him and yup!
He did not seem as happy and surprised as I thought he would be though.. Idiot! Hahaha. Nevermind! At least I know it myself that I made the effort to try to surprise him. Hee.
Kallang to meet his Subaru friends. Bugis, clarke quay, then chee wei's place for mahjong, which I got laughed at cos I know nuts about playing and initially the plan was peishan and I as a player but she was busy with her own stuff.
Hmm.. At least I won once. :D
Fell asleep on the way home. X.X Deardear as usual, held my hand. :)

The night didn't really end well, I just hope none of those sorts anymore. Please.

Gonna bring love out later in the evening! Chee wei's 21st birthday celebration at his place. Think she would enjoy herself, with all the kids there. :)
Now that love is taking a nap, and looks like an angel, I kinda miss her mischievous stunts. Lol! Which I think would happen in another hour. Shall nap with her too..

I´ve been letting you down, down
Girl I know I've been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
When I should´ve played it cool
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

Chorus
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love
Hearts will break
´Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, say you will forgive me
Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can´t take my heart will break
´Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

She was kind of exciting
A little crazy I should´ve known
She must have altered my senses
´Cause I offered to walk her home
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

Chorus

A stupid mistake
she means nothing to me
(nothing to me)
I swear every word is true
don´t wanna lose you

Chorus to fade

Deardear.. Just sing this song to me, will you?

We are back together,
I decided to close two eyes, and carry on.
I just hope this would be the first and last stupid mistake.
It would be much tougher now, criticism from friends, from family and relatives.
Lets just hold hands and face this together alright?
I know there are some things that you are unhappy about, just give me time alright. I don't see the point of quarrelling anymore, the fact that we could still be together after that incident.
But my trust for you, please give me time. I can't possibly trust you wholeheartedly again, so hope you could understand when I doubt you at times.
I love you and I really wish to always be the only star in your heart. :)

Thanks for all the concern you people have been giving me.
Those tags are really comforting, even from passerbys.
Unfortunately, I can't reply tags yet, without a laptop.
Something to be happy about, congratulations to joss mommy on giving birth to maphius safely. :)

I.. Don't know what to blog anymore. Everything that happened recently just can't be described with words. I don't know what words to use. Sigh.

This would most probably the last post I'll blog about you, I hope.

It was suppose to be our place, a place with our happy memories. But you brought her there.
It was suppose to be our song, the song we liked when we first heard it together. But you sent her the lyrics.
I'm supposed to be the only girl you should impress with your car and driving skills but sad to say, its her again.
I was silly to believe you were at home sleeping, but you were with her.
Although I said I don't know how to trust you, but I still did. Yet it turned out like that. I heard many things about you, it suck.
I did not do anything wrong, but to your friends, it seem like I'm at fault, like I'm the one who had the change of heart. Little did they know that, I was still kept in the dark that time.
I told myself to move on. I reminded myself repeatedly.
But I couldn't help myself but to look out my kitchen window always, to see if you might be there, to surprise me. I never needed to rush there to wave goodbye anymore.
I know I shouldn't be like this, but I could hardly eat a meal a day now. I know I have to eat. I know. But the appetite just isn't there. Not even favourite ice cream.
I really did my best to quit smoking. I cut down alot.
I smoke at the most two sticks a day. I don't smoke in front of friends, and you too, after you told me you hate the smell.
But you told her its okay to smoke in your car, like how you told me, initially.
Do you know, whatever I do, it reminds me of you? Its anything and everything.
I listen to radio now, cos I'm used to it when you were driving.
Even just looking around my room, hugging my pillow, I thought of you again.
Lovelle misplaced her pacifier again. Then I recalled the time when I was searching it frantically, I raised my voice at you if you could help. You came in, you found it in less than a minute. I looked at that place beside the mattress, it is there. I smiled to myself.
Songs remind me of you too.
I'm glad that the places you brought me to, its only reachable by private transport. So I could avoid those places.

Put the betrayal and lies aside, I really felt your love for me.
You wanted to meet me every single day, *oh well, I should have noticed that something's wrong since you stopped meeting me at night. Sigh.*
You brought me to wherever I want, fetched us back from my relative's place, bought milk powder for lovelle, *though after that you badmouth me and my mom in front of her that we are using you, which you always ask me not to think this way cos you love me*
You satisfy my cravings, drove around, looking for carrot cake, for bout 3 hours, then surprise me by going out to check if there is and order first cos I fell asleep in the car.
You make me feel secure when we held hands while we were at expressway, and I fall asleep, you didn't let go of my hand, instead it was troublesome for you to change gears and drive with just one hand.
You've made me happy with all other little things you've done.

But..
One decision of yours ruined my everything. I've never cried so badly in my life. Friends have been consoling and comforting, I really have to let go. Because, I wouldn't want someone who betrayed me. Thanks for appearing in my life, and letting me have a lesson learnt.